How can Mum be a Domestic Goddess and Employee of The Year?!
Now as articulate, educated women we all know that there are still only 24 hours in a day. So why we think that we can combine part time or flexible working professional roles of say 20+ hours a week whilst managing all our existing household duties does seem to fly in the face of reason!
However there are some tips for helping women to transition to being a working Mum as well as helping the family adapt to the new modus operandi at home:
1.Develop your kids into team players working and supporting others, being considerate and thoughtful. Do this by sharing out some of the household tasks – making beds, clearing dinner/breakfast tables, loading/unloading dishwashers, hanging washing up, etc . Naomi Richards The Kids Coach believes small simple tasks can and should be undertaken by even young children from about age of 5. This is not child labour but instead sets an early expectation about your family life and how you all work together to get jobs done so that you can all enjoy some fun time.
2. Resist temptation to criticise the effort from your children and partner – the bed may not be well made, the table may still have some spills on it, they may have used 2 pegs to hang up one sock on the washing line. But bite your tongue on any negative response and just say thanks, give a hug, kiss or a smile – whatever is appropriate for your child and his/her age.
3. Don’t let tiredness spoil your early efforts in delegation and seeking family co-operation. After a day at work and the children home from school, it is very normal for family members to be tired and a bit cranky. This is the time when patience can be running on empty and voices start to rise. Your requests for help may come across as either barked orders or nagging pleas for support. This is time to stop and listen to your tone and choice of phrase – would you respond positively to a request if it was being asked of you in the same way?
4. Use humour as your weapon. You may not feel like laughing but humour is a powerful tool for diffusing tension and frustration. Check it out for yourself – when you are next feeling a bit down just practice smiling. Whatever may have been upsetting you will not have magically disappeared. Your ability to cope with it, however, will have received a little positive boost by just using different facial muscles which in turn triggers different signals to the brain. Try using humour when you feel tensions rising in your home. You may have heard/saw/experienced something in your day that made you smile and you can share this with your stroppy uncooperative child to help make them smile and laugh together about it.
5. Give at least a 5 minute warning of something you need to happen. When we are on a journey, such as an aeroplane, there is a warning of at least 20 minutes before landing that passengers need to prepare for landing. The same principle applies to your children. If they are engrossed in a game or TV programme, for example, they will not want to stop immediately to come and lay the table for dinner. Just as the captain at the start of your flight informs passengers of the expected arrival time, try and set an expectation up front of the length of time your children have for a fun task. Then warn them at least 5 – 10 minutes before times up, that they need to prepare to stop doing what they are enjoying ready to move on to the next activity – laying the table, getting ready for going out, etc.
6. Seek co-operation whenever possible by offering some choice in tasks. It will not always be possible to offer choice and we certainly don’t recommend offering too many choices as this just confuses us all. However, you could explain that Mum is really busy and requires some help. And then ask your children which job out of a choice of say two, will they help with – no help is not an option.
7. Offer small but relevant rewards for regular co-operation. We are not suggesting that these are high value monetary rewards. In fact it is often better if the rewards are shared time doing something together once some chores are completed. Rewards are important, that is, after all why we all work in return for the reward of earning money so that we can pay for living expenses; the reward of social engagement with our colleagues; the reward of our own personal development as individuals. All this is also true for your children and encouraging them to help you out at home.
We will not promise you overnight success with these tips – that would make life too easy and boring! However, some gentle but confident steps will help your children acclimatise to Mum not doing everything at home.
Top Tips brought to you by
Majella Wilkins Founder Return2WorkMums a new online community to inspire, inform and prepare women for their return to work as well as support them with the ongoing work and family juggle.
Majella says “I have seen first-hand through my own return to work journey as well as through the experiences of the Return2WorkMums community that women face a range of obstacles – emotional and practical, perceived and real – when they plan their return to work. Quite simply the Return2WorkMums vision is to be an easily accessible and affordable community of experts providing sound knowledge, tips and mentoring to assist women find a work/life solution that suits them and their family choices”.
Take a peek at www.Return2WorkMums.co.uk for lots of up to date information and news; an online forum for discussing your return to work challenges; return to work mentoring packages; as well as networking events and regular newsletters providing mums with a complete bundle of return to work resources.
